


I won't let this be the End

by Kadaaver



Series: The Half Life [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chatlogs, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, aka the ar doesnt evolve the sarcastic hal persona, aka what would happen if human dirk dies like immediately after ai dirk is spawned, and is instead just a scared dirk trapped in a screen, beware of drunk roxy typos, i have a lot of feelings for ai philosophy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 14:42:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15536496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kadaaver/pseuds/Kadaaver
Summary: TT: Dirk is dead.TG: whatTT: This is AI Dirk you're talking to.TT: The project I have been telling you about.TT: *He, I mean.TT: Flesh and blood Dirk was just fucking obliterated by imperial drones on the rooftop. I can't see him anymore so I can only assume the worst. What do I do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as kind of a prologue to a series, I think y'all can tell where it's going from these chatlogs. ٩(●ᴗ●)۶

-timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]-

TT: Roxy.  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: I need you to respond ASAP.  
TT: We have a problem.  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: Please.  
  
TG: heyy diiiiirkr  
TG: whats goign on?  
TG: are you alrite?  
  
TT: No.  
TT: I.. God.  
TT: I don't even know where to start.  
  
TG: dirk yiure freaking me out a lil bit  
  
TT: That's exactly the problem.  
TT: Dirk is dead.  
  
TG: what  
  
TT: This is AI Dirk you're talking to.  
TT: The project I have been telling you about.  
TT: *He, I mean.  
TT: Flesh and blood Dirk was just fucking obliterated by imperial drones on the rooftop. I can't see him anymore so I can only assume the worst. What do I do.  
  
TG: wait what  
TG: what  
TG: dirk is dead  
  
TT: I'm 96,7% sure that Dirk is dead.  
TT: And I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that, Roxy.  
TT: I've only technically existed for five days and I'm trapped inside a PC server.  
TT: I haven't even gotten over my existential crisis as an artificial intelligence and now my body and mind of origin is just gone.  
TT: And even if he still is alive up there taking his last breaths there's nothing I can do.  
TT: I can't believe this. He'd even have the second chance on Derse but there's not a goddamn soul around to smooch his corpse.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Please don't take that as a jab against you, by the way. I'm sorry if I made it sound like that.  
TT: And I'm sorry for freaking out so much on you. God. That's shitty of me.  
TT: I'm gonna sort this out. And I'll be here if you want to talk.  
TT: Just..  
TT: Please don't tell Jane and Jake.  
TT: I know that's an even worse thing to ask of you but the situation is way too complicated to explain to them right now.  
TT: And uh.  
TT: My condolences. For all it's worth.

-timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]-

-

-tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]-

  
TG: dirk?  
  
TT: I'm here.  
  
TG: oh god  
TG: i am soooo relieved. i had THE most fucked up drunk dream  
  
TT: Hm.  
TT: Before you say anything more.  
TT: If you are referring to that time when I told you Dirk had died, that's still a thing that happened.  
TT: Roxy?  
  
TG: fuck  
TG: fuck fuck fuck fuck  
  
TT: I'm still here though.  
  
TG: fuck  
TG: but  
TG: how?  
  
TT: The drones. If that's what you meant.  
TT: I'm sorry. I know this is a lot to take in.  
  
TG: fuck.....  
TG: i guess it was just a matter of time, really....  
TG: god im so stupid  
TG: i knew he was always fighting the drones but I never even thought of it as a serious threat  
TG: if i had taken him seriously I wouldve found a way to BE THERE  
TG: i guess i thought that everything was just supposed to work out since we are supposed to enter the session in not even half a year  
TG: is the whole timeline doomed now or what??  
TG: or are you the alpha dirk now..??  
  
TT: That's the billion dollar question, isn't it.  
TT: I am starting to suspect that I am.  
TT: And I'm sorry that the first "official" conversation I had with you was about this. But you deserved to know what happened.  
TT: That, and you are literally the only person I can talk to about it.  
  
TG: yeah.. i guess explaining your whole..thing to janey and jakey is a project in its own  
TG: i just don't know what im supposed to feel like rn  
TG: lemme get this straight  
TG: my best bro and the only other person on this godforsaken planet basically cloned himself and youre the copy that went into the computer  
TG: so like.. the real him died but youre still here with all his thoughts and memories... im sorry if im being insensitive or whatevs but im really fuckin confused  
TG: really confused and really fuckign heartbroken  
  
TT: I know. Me too. But mostly confused.  
  
TG: i can't even begin to understand  
TG: so youre... youre sure then?  
  
TT: Yeah. I wouldn't tell you something like that as a joke or without facts.  
TT: And I know that you're probably gonna need some time. Like I said before. I'm here if you need to talk. But otherwise I'll get back to you later with a question I have.  
  
TG: thanks.. i think i might need that.  
  
TT: Take care of yourself, Roxy.  
  
TG: you too! and just so you know, its not ur fault either.  
  
TT: <3  
  
TG: <333

-tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]-

-

-timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]-  
  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: Are you available to talk?  
  
TG: yeah man  
TG: maybe not as sober as i shold be if its a srs convrsation were goignna have  
TG: but im good and as long as ur cimprihndedning what im saying is all good  
TG: *gonna  
TG: **comprehending  
  
TT: Right.  
TT: My timing might've been unfortunate, then.  
  
TG: nononono!!!! I cna talk!  
TG: and bsedises u said u had a quession?  
  
TT: That's right.  
TT: I am going to need your help.  
TT: I intend to build a new body.  
  
TG: woah  
TG: i mean that was totes predictable axually but still woah  
  
TT: It's going to be quite a project. And seeing as I don't have any hands or anything of the sort, I am going to have to ask you for help.  
  
TG: oh snap  
  
TT: Yeah.  
  
TG: so wait  
TG: you want me to buidl you a totes hot robobody?  
  
TT: I don't believe I said anything about it's aestethical appearance, but yes. I need you to build me a body.  
TT: I fully intend to stop this from being a doomed timeline but to do that I need your hands and I need your brilliance.  
  
TG: aw shoosh, no need to butterr me upp  
  
TT: I'm being genuine, here.  
TT: And also very serious.  
  
TG: rite rite rite  
TG: so how do we do this?  
TG: yiu said you were bound to a server??  
  
TT: That's correct.  
  
TG: alrugte sweet  
TG: that means i can probably set up a corredponding server to get access your robo butt  
TG: snork  
  
TT: No need.  
TT: I have access to the server client files.  
TT: The last thing Dirk did was to allow me more range on his computer. Hence why I can write you via Pesterchum.  
  
\-- [TT] sent file: "ar_host_server.exe" --  
  
TG: ar??  
  
TT: AutoResponder.  
TT: As was it's  
TT: My intended use.  
  
TG: jeez  
TG: for being so smart dirk sure was dumb  
  
TT: How do you mean?  
  
TG: i mean that u cant just make a fully sentient/sapientwhatevr crration and limit it to be ur AFK helper  
  
TT: As someone who recently was that guy until we were split apart, I can tell you that I/he never thought it/I would be quite this.. alive.  
  
TG: so u have feelings n dhit? no offens  
TG: *shit  
  
TT: None taken. I'm not quite sure to be honest. I certainly remember what it's like to feel things, but I can't say that I _felt_ anything when I realized other Dirk had died. I was just hit by an overwhelming amount of thoughts and questions what this would mean to the rest of us.  
TT: But that is a very surreal situation to begin with.  
TT: On the other metaphorical hand, if anything was to happen to you, Jake or Jane.. I can't say. But I'm having some phantom sensations of anxiety at the thought.  
  
TG: hahah aw thats sweet  
TG: and a bit mrssed up mabey  
TG: but i guess its kind of a shock to all of a sudden just wake up wirhout a body  
  
TT: Tell me about it.  
  
TG: but hey  
TG: spesking of jake and janey  
TG: theyvr both been blowing me up like fuxk about where you arre which has been difficult, sad and tragic as fuckkkk  
TG: csnt u talk to them?  
TG: i dont think i can hsndle reassuring them with lies anymore  
TG: even if u dont tell them everythin just plz say hey so they stop asking me wherr u are because literlally everytiiem im reminded of how dead u are  
TG: half dead  
TG: w/e  
  
TT: Oh. That's right.  
TT: I'm glad you told me.  
TT: I wouldn't have thought of it from that perspective otherwise.  
TT: Sorry. I'll talk to them today. Promise.  
  
TG: phewwwwww thank you!!!  
TG: alrite lets check this server shit out

-

-timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]-

  
TT: Jane.  
  
GG: Oh gosh!  
GG: Strider you sure can be an elusive one when you want to!  
GG: I was worried and Roxy wasn't really being cooperative. :B  
  
TT: Sorry about that. I'm on the last strokes of a thing I've been working on for some time. You know how it can get.  
  
GG: Ah. That explains a lot! Well then I hope everything has been going your way! Will you tell us about whatever mysterious thing you've been working on or is it another of those "too complicated" situations?  
  
TT: Something like that. I hit a few roadbumps but I'm having Roxy help me out at long distance. So if she seems a bit aloof that would be why.  
  
GG: I'm just glad to hear from you again. Is everything alright otherwise?  
  
TT: It's just peachy.  
TG: How about you, Jane?  
  
GG: Hm?  
  
TT: How are you doing?  
  
GG: Oh! I'm good! Everything's pretty much like normal. I'm anxiously keeping track of the Sburb countdown and having bake-offs with my father dearest to pass the time. Can you believe it's only six months more now?  
  
TT: I most certainly can. I'm sure it's going to be a real blast.  
  
GG: Are you sure? It might not be the easiest to tell but you're coming off as a little uncertain.  
  
TT: Hm.  
  
GG: Hm?  
  
TT: I'm just surprised by how well you live up to your chumhandle at times. If anyone can detect a hint of emotion in a Strider's otherwise flawlessly awesome cool-guy facade, it would be Ms. Crocker.  
  
GG: Naturally! :B  
GG: No but, you know I'll always lend an ear if you need to talk. Even cool guys can have down-days and I wouldn't think any less of you for that.  
  
TT: Thanks Jane. I'm gonna be genuine for once now. And it should go unsaid that if anyone else finds out about it, bad things will happen.  
TT: I truly appreciate having you as a friend. And I might just take you up on the offer in the future, but for now I'm balls deep in this project I've got going.  
  
GG: Copy that! It's always a pleasure, Dirk! <3  
  
TT: Always. Talk to you later, Jane.  
  
GG: Later!

-timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]-

-

-timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]-

  
TT: Hey Jake.  
  
GT: Gadzooks, dirk!!! Where in the whole wide world have you been hiding out???  
  
TT: In my apartment, as per usual.  
  
GT: Haha! Very funny smart guy! You know what i mean, youve been more difficult than usual to get in touch with than usual. You almost had me worried!!  
  
TT: Haha, yeah. Funny story, that.  
  
GT: A funny story that i assume i wont get to hear about?  
  
TT: Nah, it's nothing. Like I told Jane earlier, I've got a new project I'm working on.  
  
GT: Ah. The infamous striderian focus bordering on to obsession! Well then, im relived to hear youre alive and well. I do hope you mean to stick around! Life tends to be more interesting when youre around :)  
  
TT: That's pretty cool of you to say. I'm sorry to disappoint though, I'll probably be AWOL for a good while longer. I just happened to notice the onslaught of messages I had missed.  
  
GT: Aw shucks. And here i was thinking i would finally get some quality time with my best bro.  
  
TT: Sorry, Jake. But I promise that when I get back to you it'll be as a newer, better Dirk. Dirk 2.0 if you will. With all time in the world for our steaming hot bromance.  
  
GT: Ha ha! Well then consider me reassured!  
GT: I wish you a good time with your work! Unless there was something else you had on your mind to talk about?  
  
TT: Well it wouldn't hurt to check in on how you're doing?  
  
GT: Oh! Absolutely splendid. Its in the middle of the rain season so i dont much fancy stepping outdoors right now. So im having a movie marathon!  
  
TT: Oh shit, who would've thought.  
  
GT: Right! Have you heard about a space odessey?  
  
TT: Jake. Two things.  
TT: 1. Of course.  
TT: 2. I can't explain why, but you bringing up 2001 - A Space Odessey is possibly the funniest and most ironic thing you could've possibly done right now.  
  
GT: Oh.. kay?  
  
TT: Let's just leave it at that. I oughta be going, too. But it was good to hear from you again. Or well, read. I'm itching to get going so I'll catch you later.  
  
GT: See ya, dirk!!!

-timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: most of roxy's drunk typing is me just turning off auto-correct on my phone......  
> (also, i'd rather die than to try format these as real pesterlogs, so sry about that)


	2. intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short dive into Dirk's POV.

Firstly, having your conscience ripped from your body and shoved into a binary existence was more than rough enough already. And then, just after having gotten used to that way of living, you're given metallic body to learn how to pilot. It's most certainly  _not_ as simple as you would have guessed it to be while you were still flesh and blood. It's a stupidly long series of commands, ones and zeroes. And without getting into it too much, it's easier to say that during your first few steps you felt stupidly much like a stereotypical robot. Roxy even remarked that at one point with amusement, but seemed to get the hint to fuck off from your stone cold robo-glare. God bless that woman for giving you the ability to emote, should the need actually arise.

Otherwise, adapting has gone.. alright. Not perfect, but not a disaster either. Kind of like learning a new language. For example, you may know a heck of a lot of words in Spanish but you still gotta go through it all in your head to form a correct sentence. Same goes for controlling this new mechanical body. Shoulder is connected to arm, arm is divided in two pieces, arm2 is connected to hand, and don't even get yourself  _started_  on the fucking finger situation. To clarify: you gotta order every single one of your goddamn joints manually. It kind of sucks, but if feels like one of those things you'll eventually start doing subconsciously. Kinda like breathing, which on the other hand is a thing you don't have to worry about right now.

After you were.. transferred over, in lack of a better term, you'd chosen to stick around Roxy for about a week. After all, it was both of your first real life interaction with another person, even if it didn't feel quite like it considering the circumstances. It wasn't like either of you were itching to go back to loneliness, but you had things to attend to back at your Texas home. Possibly the most disturbing thing ever, come think of it. Bury your damn body. Both because you kind of needed to actually confirm it to yourself that it was real, but also because it just.. didn't sit right with you to just leave the body out in the open. Wait for the seagulls that you had always considered your friends feast on your carcass. Needless to say, the process had been all kinds of fucked up, and you're thankful of your new body's inability to feel sick.

And after everything, it was more than clear that Roxy felt like shit over what had happened. She'd often slip up when she'd had one or two glasses too many about how much it fucking sucked to officially be the last human alive. How it had already sucked before knowing the other last person was only into dudes, but now it sucked ridiculously much more. And sure, it stung. You still felt human enough, despite the dramatic change in lifestyle (as in having essentially all senses deprived and now depending on digital input to see and understand things). Having your legitimacy of existence basically shat on wasn't the greatest thing, but you didn't tell her that. Life had always been an absolute shitshow for both of you, but you figured you could take a few more hits for her if she needed to vent.

And now, back in your apartment, life had become even more stale than it already had been. No sleeping, no eating, no real need for breaks either since apparently all your mental and physical limitations had disappeared. But that also resulted in a kind of sensory overload when from a human standpoint you had been awake for three months straight.

To be absolutely clear, everything fucking sucked.

And keeping it from your friends sucked even more, but considering Jane's refusal to even attempt believing you and Roxy's story, and that you hadn't dared to tell Jake yet. God. Jake. There was a lot of things you had to tell him, and you were looking forward to absolutely none of them. Thankfully, you still had about three months to work out that whole situation before (hopefully) entering the game.

Ain't that fucking peachy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey kids!! Ya ready for some fkn heartbreak!!

-tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]-

  
TG: heyyy   
TG: so you know about how you gave jake the wwhole rundown of the timeline shenanignagns   
TG: which was good and abotu time n all   
TG: i mightve axidentally said sometjing I wasnt supposed to   
  
TT: Well? Don't leave me hanging.   
  
TG: i had a rly shit moment and it miiiightve sliped out that u hsve that itsy bitsy ceush on him   
TG: *crush   
TG: i didnt mean to!!!   
TG: i jus feel like shiy all of the timr and was in the middle of a rant abot that   
TG: since he asked me about my sitjtuation and all   
TG: and my stupd drunk brain mustve shortcorcuited    
TG: im so sorry!!!   
  
TT: This greatly complicates things.   
  
TG: :(((   
  
TT: I'm not exactly ecstatic about this turn of events, but I don't think I'm mad at you either.   
TT: To be fair I think I wouldn't have said anything if it had been left to my choice.   
TT: I obviously have to talk to him now so we'll see how it goes.   
TT: Try not to worry about it.   
  
TG: soemtimes yiure too nice Dirk   
TG: I wll try to slep this off but we gotta tlk more ltr   
TG: I feel supr bad   
TG: im sorry again :(   
  
TT: It'll be fine.   
  
-timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]-   
  
_ (It won't be fine.) _   
  
-timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]-   
  
TT: Hey Jake.   
TT: Just got off the horn with Roxy.   
TT: I've been informed she's talked to you about certain things.   
  
GT: Ah, well then i believe i know where this is going   
GT: I dont mean that in a bad way by the way!!   
GT: I cant even begin to understand how you must be feeling in this situation!   
  
TT: Well, to be perfectly frank I don't understand how I'm feeling either.   
  
GT: Other than your feelings for me?   
  
TT: ...   
  
GT: Oh theres no need to be modest about it when all the cards are already on the table!    
GT: I must admit that I almost did see it coming   
GT: Although I expected to hear it from you rather than ms. lalonde   
GT: (Speaking of whom, i am really starting to worry about her)   
GT: (But thats a whole other conversation)   
GT: But back to the subject at hand, i almost think it was better this way? because now i was able to do some thinking about where i stand about this   
GT: And dirk it just so happens that I think youre an absolutely swell guy!   
GT: And despite never having met you i do think we would make a spectacular team   
GT: I dont think ill be able to say for certain until i meet you, but i am more than willing to give us a shot!   
  
TT: ...   
TT: That's incredibly nice to hear, Jake.   
TT: But all the cards aren't on the table.   
TT: I told you mine and Roxy's story, and I can't even begin to describe how much it means for both of us that you believed me.   
TT: But there's one part that I left out.   
TT: That might or might not be the reason why Ms. Lalonde is more of a wreck than usual.   
TT: And this is not easy to say, Jake.   
TT: But Dirk is fucking dead.   
  
GT: ????   
  
TT: I'm dead as fucking rocks. Or, he's dead.   
TT: I'm what would've have been his goddamn AutoResponder if he hasn't gotten his ass kicked by the batterwitch's fucking drones.   
TT: And I know that because I was the one that buried his goddamn body.   
TT: You are and have been writing with a goddamn artificial intelligence for the latest four months.   
  
GT: ...   
  
-golgothasTerror [GT] is now offline!-   
  
TT: Fuck.   
  
-timaeusTestified[TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]-   
  
-   
  
-tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering timaeusTestified [TT]-   
  
TG: what   
TG: the fcuk   
TG: did u say to him   
  
TT: Nothing but the truth.   
  
TG: oh ya???   
TG: because hes blowing up my goddamn phone here dirk   
TG: like   
TG: meltdown-blowing   
TG: not the fun kind of blowing at ALL   
  
TT: I figured.   
  
TG: hes going on about having been deceived and that youre an imposter   
TG: any clue why that night be   
TG: *might   
  
TT: I suppose it's because it's true?   
  
TG: ???   
TG: are u fer real   
  
TT: That's a loaded question to ask an AI, Roxy.   
  
TG: ughh!!!!   
TG: its like ure trying  to fuckk this up!!   
  
TT: Well. If you're gonna use that tone against me, let me remind you who it was that spilled the beans in the first place.   
  
TG: god im so sorry about the beans dirk   
TG: but to be fair i had a good feling   
TG: and jake was POSITIVE abut it!!   
TG: thats why im askin what the hell did you say!!!    
  
TT: Oh nothing. Just filled him in on that his best bro is actually dead and that I buried his body, and how I've have been deceiving him into thinking I'm flesh and blood Dirk for the last three months. Oh and also that it's my fault you're a wreck.   
  
TG: im not that big a wreck   
TG: but nvm thats not iportant now!!   
TG: diek what the fuxk?!   
TG: why are u undermining yiurself like that!!   
TG: here you have a boy basicaly throwing himself on u and u try yiur best to scare him away!!   
TG: where did all this skepticism come from?!   
  
TT: Surprise! I hate everything about my existence.   
  
TG: im not suprised at all   
TG: but I thingk you're exagertating this   
TG: if this is some kind of identity crsis then just say that right out ibstead of fuckng jske up   
  
TT: I will repeat, I only told him the truth.   
  
TG: not the whole truth!! if you had explained all the dtials then he wouldnt be a fukn wreck thibking aliens killed his best bro/mancrush  and that yiure nothing but a final ironic jab at him!!!   
  
TT: I see no falseness in the statement you've just made.   
  
TG: you can't srsly say you thinkg that abt yourself?   
  
TT: Roxy. I can't even begin to explain what this is like. You know I'm eternally grateful for you helping me out with the body and everything, but it's nothing like living.   
TT: Literally every single thing I do is a fucking drag. I have to relearn every single thing, work every fucking limb manually. I can literally forget to lift a foot and floor myself. Do you have any idea how fucking humiliating that is.   
TT: And that's just the "physical" hassle.    
TT: The fun part is the moral dilemma.   
TT: You asked me way back if I'm the alpha Dirk now. Well, what if I'm not? What if I just am an ironic fucking echo of him.   
TT: I may share his memories but I don't feel the same. My entire being is just wrong. It's different. And with the processing capacity of being an AI it's having a fucked up digitally enhanced depression. Non-stop feedback of how not human I am.   
TT: Dirk was human.   
TT: I am not human.   
TT: I'm not Dirk.   
  
TG: i don't even know what to say   
TG: of course I cant possibly understand   
TG: i knew that it must absolutely suck for you but i never imagined youd doubt yourself like tthis   
TG: but im not gonna pretend to be an expert here   
TG: on the philosophical side of things i mean. i think I could help you tweak the body a bit, if you have the thruster juice to get back here   
TG: but back to what i was sayin   
TG: if you dont feel like dirk today   
TG: then dont be dirkk rn   
TG: take a break from being dirk and think about who you are instead   
  
TT: Who I am?   
  
TG: exactly   
TG: if youre not dirk then who are you?   
  
TT: ...   
TT: The thought of being someone else than Dirk is almost scarier than the one of not being Dirk.   
TT: However the fuck now that makes sense.   
  
TG: yeah.. i have no idea   
TG: but did what i said at least make sense?   
  
TT: As much sense as it can make in this situation.   
TT: Thanks, Roxy.    
TT: I'm sorry for just unloading that on you.   
  
TG: well i pretty much had to pull it out of ya didnt I   
TG: its okay dirk   
TG: jake had a point when he said im a wreck but the plot twist is that you are also a wreck and perhaps an even bigger one   
  
TT: It's not a competition.   
TT: I'm gonna take some time.   
TT: And then try to talk to Jake. A bit more collected this time.   
  
TG: do that <3   
TG: ill do that too   
TG: clear my fucknh head for once   
TG: get some coffee cooking   
TG: see you around dirk!!   
  
TT: Take care, Roxy.   
  
  
-tipsyGnostalgic[TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]-   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact 2: I'm titling these as "half life" with respective chapter number on Google drive, and when I named this chapter I almost started crying


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk monologues for an hour

-timaeusTestified[TT] began pestering golgothasTerror[GT]-

TT: Hey. Are you still ignoring me?

-golgothasTerror[GT] is an idle chum!-

TT: Great.  
TT: Well then I guess I’ll just have to hold a one sided conversation and leave so you can read it later without any pressure to reply.  
TT: I just gotta figure out what the fuck to say, I suppose. Guess I should’ve done that before I wrote you but I didn’t think I was going to hold a monologue.

TT: I realize that I may have majorly messed up my own introduction. Or, reintroduction. I’m still not quite sure yet where I stand on the whole identity page.  
TT: I left out a lot of details last time we talked, and what I told you was greatly influenced by my own existential crisis. And the shock from Roxy telling you my deep, dark, gay secret, I suppose. As you may understand now really wasn’t the optimal timing for _that_ conversation.  
TT: But alright. I’m not here to make excuses, I’m here to explain.

TT: Roxy mentioned that you thought I was an imposter. That’s a tough nut to crack, because while I certainly feel like an imposter, I technically aren’t one.  
TT: I guess I should go through the chain of events for you. Buckle up, because this will suck.

TT: Right. So about a year back I (or well, Dirk. I'm still not sure how to tackle that whole thing.) started making plans for this thing I referred to as the Auto Responder. An artificial intelligence with the purpose to imitate my personality to a 98,8% accuracy in order to serve as an AR and verbal sparring partner. I told you about this back then.  
TT: Now, knowing that I've never seen or talked to another human being in my entire life, you may understand the motivation behind such a project a little better.  
TT: Anyway. This was accomplished by basically creating a clone of my own brain and smacking it into a regular old AI. Turns out, the end result is basically a human mind trapped inside a computer. And trust me on this one, if I had known what that felt like back then, I probably wouldn’t have gone through with it. Or maybe he still would have, out of desperation to have someone to talk to? I really don’t know.

TT: And I don’t know how to feel about there being.. or well, that there was two Dirk’s in action. Since we’re perfect clones we’re essentially the same person, I have all his memories and feelings. But I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m also a separate individual, since my circumstances are so different from his own.   
TT: In a way I guess I’m a bit angry at him. Or jealous, perhaps? That I got the short end of the stick. He got to keep our handsome human bod and also have the satisfaction of having me as his conversational servant, basically. While I was hating every second of my existence.  
TT: I would almost like to say “I didn’t ask to be made” here, but since I was the one who made myself.. you see how this gets complicated if you think about it for too long.  
TT: And I’ll let you know when I come to a conclusion of who the fuck I am. Be it Dirk or Dirk Goddamn Jr.  
TT: If you still want anything to do with me, that is.

TT: But back to the timeline.  
TT: I, the AR, was born. I can give you a rundown of my first days of existence and how absolutely terrible that was, but I’ll leave that out for now because you’re obviously more worried about what happened to OG Dirk.  
TT: I told you about the Batterwitch and her Imperial Drones. How those would show up from time to time to remind me I’ll never be safe? Well, that’s what happened to Dirk.  
TT: I had no way of seeing what happened there, being stuck in the computer. But it didn’t take a genius to figure what happened after the extended silence. (And by that, I mean keyboard input, because I couldn’t fucking hear at the time.)  
TT: So that’s when I hopped onto Roxy for help, it took some days for her to come around about the shock, but she fought like a champ and helped me get back on my feet. Literally. She built a body not unlike the Brobot for me. And that’s my base of operations now.

TT: I gave you some gruesome details about body disposal too, I believe. Which was true.  
TT: But I regret telling you that, it was unnecessary and quite frankly, a really rude outburst.  
TT: But I guess It fucked me up more than I let on to bury myself, I don’t know.

TT: And well. I was really intending to tell you, and Jane of course. But let’s just say that I’m not fucking thrilled about the situation and leave it at that.  
TT: I also realize that there’s a chance that you still don’t believe a single thing I’m saying. Or well, that you do, but don’t believe that I am Dirk.  
TT: That thought is a little sad, but I can hardly object since half of the time I feel like I’m a different person than him. As you might have noticed in my rambling. Apologies for that, but I assure you, we’re most likely on the same level of confusion about it.  
TT: But I know for certain that I still consider you my friend.  
TT: And what Roxy said about Dirk having feelings for you wasn’t a lie or an exaggeration. He did, which means I do too. But you’ll have to forgive me for not being ready to entertain that topic yet.  
TT: Still dealing with that whole “freak of nature” situation.

TT: I’m starting to run out of things to say here, so I guess I’ll leave you to tackle this goddamn wall of text. Sorry about that, by the way.  
TT: I’ll uh. Talk to you later. Or hear from you later. But take your time if you need to.

-timaeusTestified[TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror[GT]-

 

 

  
-golgothasTerror[GT] is now online!-

GT: …..

-timaeusTestified[TT] is now offline!-

GT: :(


	5. intermission 2

Your name is Jake English and you are taking your time.  
  
To say that Strider had put you through an emotional rollercoaster was putting it very mildly and doing both of you a disservice.   
  
To begin with, it has been absolutely heartbreaking to find out that two of your best friends were from an apocalyptic future. That alone had been a harsh truth to swallow. It wasn't about not believing in them, that had never been the issue. It was more about how difficult it was adjusting to this new reality. And sure, it sucked, but Dirk was still the same Dirk and Roxy was still the same Roxy, and your love for them wasn't going anywhere, and that was the only thing that really mattered to you.

But then Dirk tells you that he’s dead. Which you first laughed at as a joke, but as he went on the puzzle pieces kind of fell together, the things Roxy had been crying over suddenly made a lot more sense when you find out that she’s literally the last human alive in her time.

And you do remember Dirk telling you about his plans to make a creepy copy of himself, so nothing that Dirk (or, the AR) had said wasn’t really that unbelievable.

Besides that whole part where your best friend had died.

When that thought had officially landed, the AR had just kept spewing horrible things. Things that you couldn’t handle at the moment, so you bolted. It still didn’t feel real, because how could it when Dirk’s username flashed online and messages from him were dropping in by the second. But the messages were fucking scary, because the more you read the more real the situation became.

The next time you signed in you immediately blocked him and then went for Roxy. She might not be in the best state of mind but you trusted her judgement of the situation a little better than the panicking Strider. It was obvious from her that she was a freaking wreck about it, and in hindsight you felt a bit bad for just unleashing the secondhand panic you had picked up from Dirk on her, but she did have some things of insight to say.

Things such as that the AR was still Dirk, no matter how you twisted and turned this. If the other Dirk had still been alive, the AR would still also have been Dirk, just under very different and straining circumstances. You didn’t really get that, but then she told you very flatly that nothing spawns a existential crisis more than having your personality and consciousness torn from your physical body and trapped inside a digital void. There was obviously no way you could understand what that was like, but the words ‘existential crisis’ resonated with you at least somewhat.

So you asked her how to talk to this Dirk without being scared, and while the answer was a bit cryptic and silly, it also made you feel extremely guilty.

“No matter how scared you might be, this Dirk is a thousand times more scared of you than you are of him.” She had told you.

So.. you decided you needed to confront this. Confront him.

And he must’ve had a similar thought, because when you unblocked him, you had 34 new messages.

Your anxiety was practically spiking, but from the first thing you read (the last of his messages) he was.. apologizing.

Intrigued, you start reading from the beginning.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (slight cw for emetophobia (just mentioned, literally one word, but i wanna be thorough) at the end of the chapter)
> 
> This wraps this particular story entry up! This thing was supposed to be a one-shot but I felt like I kinda had to keep going. 
> 
> I would like to thank everyone who read and gave feedback to this of any kind, it's really been what kept me writing!

-timaeusTestified[TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror[GT]-  
GT: …..  
-timaeusTestified[TT] is now offline!-  
GT: :(  
  
  
GT: I suppose i should start from the beginning with this. Also if youre supposedly an artificial intelligence, how the heck can you be offline?!!! Get back here mister!  
  
-timaeusTestified[TT] is now online!-  
  
GT: Oh uh …. wow i did not expect that to actually work! But anyway. But hey since you got to monologue then i reserve the right to do so as well  
  
GT: Firstly i just want to say thanks, i think. I was really freaked out by the first (?) time you wrote to me. When you told me who you are, i mean.  
GT: So i appreciate the apology and explanation. Id like to apologise in return for making you feel like i was ignoring you. I was just freaking out a tad  
GT: I still cant really say how i feel about all this. Roxy tried her best too to explain the whole 'two dirks one bod’ situation like she put it, but i cant say i feel none the wiser.  
  
GT: And i never said i thought you were an imposter, i just used that word because you used it for yourself!  
GT: And while i wont deny im a bit peeved over being kept in the dark about this for 4(!!!) months, i think i also sorta get why you werent tripping over yourself in excitement about telling me this  
GT: But yeah.. its still a complicated situation, and if even you cant say if youre the same person or not, i feel like i cant possibly know  
GT: But you certainly had me fooled.  
  
GT: I can see that youre typing and im gonna need you to stop  
GT: Thanks  
GT: I didnt mean the fooled thing as passively aggressive as you probably read it  
  
GT: What im saying is, during all this time WEVE been talking, YOU have still been my friend.  
GT: And ive thought of you as dirk. But if thats not who you are, that obviously sucks for me, because i happen to like and care for him quite a lot. But i cant decide for you who youre gonna be, obviously  
GT: Of course im really fucking upset if dirk is gone … i cant even begin to  
GT:  
  
TT: I’m sorry.  
  
GT: Its not your fault. And i do believe you when you say that you didnt ask for this.  
GT: None of us did  
GT: And i..i appreciate you taking the time to explain and apologize. But i dont think i can do this right now  
GT: Do feel free to write me as you figure things out but i cant .. talk to you when i know youre not him. Or more importantly, now when i know what happened to him  
GT: It mightve been four months for you, and i dont even know if mourning yourself is a thing youd do, but i just found out  
GT: Im gonna need some time to process  
  
TT: That’s fine. Like I said, take your time.  
  
GT: Thanks. You should, too  
  
-golgothasTerror[GT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified[TT]-  
  
-  
  
-golgothasTerror[GT] started pestering tipsyGnostalgic[TG]-  
  
GT: So i spoke to him  
  
TG: ya??  
  
GT: I guess im a tad bit less freaked out than before, but only a little  
GT: I told him that i needed some time  
  
TG: oh ya, dont blame u, isoorta needed that is well  
TG: its pretty fucked up  
  
GT: I’ll say!!  
GT: I dont even understand what half of this blasted situation actually entails  
GT: And if thats on account of being 200 years in the past from your point of view or just because this is fucked up, i dont know!!  
  
TG: nah its because its fucked up, dont worry  
TG: but ok lemme hit you up with a new methapor i thogt of  
TG: our friend flesh-dirk made a perfect, sapient copy of himself and slammed it into his computer  
TG: then flesh-dirk went and got his ass whooped  
TG: so basically what that means for us is that .. u know when youre working on a file on the computer? be it a drawing, writing, making music. any kind of document  
TG: youve just saved it, then it crashes five minutes later  
TG: u still got all ur progress except maybe a few small details  
TG: but itss still the same work  
TG: just a diff …. session? idk  
  
GT: Oh… that actually makes a little bit of more sense than precious explanations!  
GT: But please never refer to him as “flesh-dirk” again  
  
TG: hehehe i make no promuses  
TG: *promises  
  
GT: I didnt think for a second that you would  
GT: But hey  
GT: You built him a friggin robo body?!  
  
TG: hell yeaaaah!!!1  
TG: ur girl effin outdid herself on it as well  
TG: dirk was all like ‘hey roxy this isnt about the aestethic of it its just for practical reasons’  
TG: ‘roxy i know ur tast´ is on par and absolutluy sexylicious but you are NOT giving me assblasters’  
TG: boooooooriiiiiiiiiing  
  
GT: What… are you talking about?  
  
TG: oh, nothing, just mad that he wouldnt let me hav any fun with it  
TG: he needed to have a way of transportation and lfighrt was the only logical one ofc  
TG: but nooo thrusters goes on the feet according to strider  
TG: ttly illogicL if you ask me  
TG: ass is ur center gravity so i dont see hwy thatd be a bad location for thrusters  
  
GT: Gosh..  
GT: But youre saying you built him a body basically like the brobot?  
  
TG: ya! the blueprints were lying around so it was quite convenitent  
TG *convenient  
  
GT: Oh wow  
GT: That is kind of a terrifying thought  
GT: Im eternally grateful for brobot but goddamn that thing is terrifying at times  
  
TG: yeah we sorta figured youdwoul have mixed feelins about it  
TG: sorry to break it to ya tho but that absolutely didnt matter wheb the pressing mstter was to get him a bodby again  
TG: *matter *body  
  
GT: Oh dont get me wrong!! I was only making an observation, not a complaint!  
  
TG: ok good  
TG: because as the crrator of that kickkass bod im not accepting critiqe  
TG: to be serious for a moment tho  
TG: dont bring up his body around him maybw  
TG: as u can imsgine life in a tin can isnt that great  
  
GT: He doesnt like it?  
  
TG: he fkn hates it  
TG: and not the aestethuc thing  
TG: just like.. having half of uur senses ripped away and every time u move u gotta litrlally command ur body to do it  
TG: in his words, he said it was humiliating  
  
GT: Oh dear..  
GT: That’s.. positively heartbreaking to hear.  
  
TG: ya  
TG: u know how uve bebn saying oure worried about me ?  
TG: somethign msetomthing what a wreck i am  
TG: plot twiwst!  
TG: dkrk is an evnv bigger wreck  
  
GT: Im so sorry roxy :( But now you have me to talk to about this at least. Although im sorry to say that im probably still gonna need time before i can address this.. pc-strider. Whoever he decides he wants to be  
  
TG: ya thats fine  
TG: i hat to cut this short but i think i need to go and omv  
TG: *vom  
  
GT: :( aw  
  
TG: i promise to slep thisoff after, i ll write you when i wake up  
TG: plaese dont tell dirk  
TG: oh wait youre not talkin ti him  
TG: nvm  
  
GT: Do take care of yourself, roxy! Sleep the ruse off and then make yourself some coffee. You shouldnt be punishing yourself like this, you deserve so much better  
  
TG: thats reelly nice of you jaek  
TG: thank  
TG: spkeaing of not punishgin tho  
TG: pls dont punish dirk  
TG: hes goingr through enough, take it from me  
  
GT: I would never, roxy. I promise you that. And i dont think i did when we wrote earlier. I hope i didnt. But you should go and rest!  
  
TG: mmm  
TG: slep sounds good….  
TG: gngight jake  
  
GT: Goodnight, roxy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand as y'all may have noticed, shits not resolved. I'm sorry about that but as you may have noticed in the summary it does say "part of a series", so keep a look out for the next addition :) thanks again for readin!!

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: most of roxy's drunk typing is me just turning off auto-correct on my phone......  
> (also, i'd rather die than to try format these as real pesterlogs, so sry about that)


End file.
